blog dialog

At some point I realized that I needed to overcome my fear of highways or else I would be stuck. Not driving highways in my case was a symbol for my accepting certain gender limits that I needed to transcend in order to go on with my life after the unwanted end of my marriage. At that point I lived in new Jersey in the vicinity of New York City, in a knot and cluster of highways and outdated traffic signs. Driving time from my house to the city was to take not more than 40 minutes in light traffic. I decided to drive right into Manhattan, using the Holland Tunnel to enter Manhattan, driving all the way up to the George Washington Bridge and back home. It took me the better part of the day to accomplish all of it, in between I stopped in suburban strip mall parking lots and cried – just to start out again. It took me almost four hours to even find my way into the city, at some point I got lost in Newark, I was sweat drenched and found myself utterly pathetic. But I pushed on – and eventually I emerged from that tunnel and drove into the city with a sense of true accomplishment. With two law degrees to my name I never quite experienced such a strong sense of victory and freedom, and I knew at that moment that nothing could stop me if I set my mind to it. I have since driven countless miles, highways, navigated my way through major cities including wonderful, mad Paris – but this first time was like breaking through the sound barrier – fully aware how mundane and small this accomplishment might have been for others. I still have to overcome many obstacles and sometimes I feel like crying in suburban parking lots (and I do) – but I claim that victory as one of the more important ones in my life. Overcoming your own fears and pushing into the zone of actual personal discomfort is an important step towards freedom.

2 thoughts on “blog dialog

  1. Congratulations! I’m convinced everyone has something that they put limits on themselves about,
    I’ve always loved driving but darn it I don’t like bookkeeping chores. I started a small business and I had a few offers from people to help with the banking part but I refused. I have to learn. I’ll never completely like it but I do it.

    • I could not agree more: why we accept certain boundaries without ever pushing against the fences might be complex – but pushing against them towards freedom is highly recommended. Bookkeeping might be a question of temperament – but it surely is a necessary step to financial independence to master it, I applaud your effort to overcome your dislike in favor of handling your own affairs!Thank you for your comment!

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